I am a pessimist at heart. I’ve never had a problem with it before, but when it truly started affecting my mental health I decided I need to try and stop. Being a pessimist, to me, means that I am viewing the world realistically and not trying to see the good in everything because maybe there isn’t. But a couple years ago I went through the hardest time in my life (so far) because of what a few mean girls did. I fell into a depression that lasted multiple months and couldn’t get myself out of it. After a lot of therapy (and when I say a lot I mean 4 therapists over the span of five years) I was able to control the depression more and keep myself out of it, but this also led to different mental blocks. I quickly developed an anxiety disorder that feels like it has halted my life, OCD (I’ve kind of always had this since I was a kid, but it grew with the other mental stuff), and another thing that I don’t really want to put out on the internet, but lets just say I can’t control my emotions. So after discovering I had these, I went on medication to help. But I still wasn’t looking at the world positively and this continues to affect the stand still of my mental health because it isn’t improving. So, my most recent therapist recommended that I keep record of things that I am grateful for so I can try to change my outlook on life. So that’s what I’m doing. Every so often I want to try to think about things I am grateful for. Whether it be something as simple as breathing today or something weird like math compasses because they’re really fun to draw arcs with in my geometry class. I want to try to change my outlook on life to help me believe that I can do this through gratefulness.
Abby's Blog 